


10 Things Usnavi Didn't Need to Know

by GamblingDementor



Category: In the Heights - Miranda
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Gossip, Implied Sexual Content, Just the hot goss, Multi, no actual smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 10:50:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8283230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GamblingDementor/pseuds/GamblingDementor
Summary: How to survive being the hub of the barrio's gossip when you're a little bit stuck up and do not need to hear the sleazy details.





	

"Hey man, what's wrong?"

  


Usnavi realizes he's been staring into nothing for a while now. Or rather staring right at it, the culprit, taunting him from the counter.

  


"Yeah, yeah!" He says, but it comes out more like a squeak and he wants to hide his face. Hold it together, hombre. "That's, erm, five dollars."

  


"Seriously?" Benny's face breaks into a grin. "Man, I gotta start buying these here, they're way cheaper than the pharmacy."

  


Usnavi tries not to look too nervous. Probably fails.

  


"Also that lady there is always judging me… Yo, you sure you're alright?"

  


"I'm fine!" Even _he_ knows he does not sound fine. "So, do you… do you buy a lot of these?"

  


"I gotta," Benny answers, looking at the candy aisle. "Can't risk spreading all the mini-Bennys, right?"

  


Usnavi coughs, laughs nervously.

  


"Sure, sure, yeah…"

  


Benny throws a Milky Way that Usnavi barely catches.

  


"Just these and I'll be gone. Got a hot date tonight."

  


"A'ight, six dollars then…"

  


  


With a wave, Benny takes the Milky Way and the box of XXL condoms and gets on his way.

  


  


*****

  


  


"Pscht," Vanessa whispers, leaning over the counter.

  


Usnavi absolutely doesn't glance down at her breasts, the way this angle makes them pop out. Nope, that would be gross and he is an upstanding young man.

  


"Yeah?"

  


"You seen that tie Mr Rosario's wearing?"

  


She's looking at Kevin, walking down the street with a joyful whistle on his lips and a smile lightening up his face. He's wearing a bright purple tie.

  


"Mmh?"

  


"He wears it when he's had sex the night before."

  


Usnavi almost drops the coffee cup he was pouring her, trying to think of an excuse to give it away for free.

  


"¿Qué?"

  


She smirks and takes the cup of coffee, sliding a dollar his way but he slides it back and she pockets it with no fuss.

  


"Are you _sure_?!"

  


"Trust me. Or at least trust Nina, she knows. He definitely got some last night."

  


She leaves for the salon with a knowing wink as Camila Rosario walks into the bodega after her.

  


"Make it a double today, Usnavi, I had a short night, I need a boost."

  


Usnavi drops the whole coffee pot on the floor.

  


  


*****

  


  


"I swear!" Vanessa cries out, smirking. "Nina's my best friend, she never lies to me."

  


"Benny's mine!" Usnavi retorts.

  


"Yeah, but how often have you whipped out dicks to compare? Wait, don't answer that."

  


" _Never_ , if you must know."

  


Vanessa rolls around in her bed, wraps herself around him and it's hot but he is also kind of dead of happiness when she does that so he won't ask for space. Still. She has to be exaggerating.

  


"Still…"

  


"I swear," she says. She grabs his hand, circles his wrist and he shudders. "She said about this thick."

  


"Dios mío, not thick as a wrist, I don't believe that!"

  


"Not 'a' wrist, your wrist. Well, she said mine but your wrists are thin too."

  


"Are not," he pouts.

  


"Are too," she kisses his nose. "Now, do you wanna talk some more about Benny's dick or do you want me to suck yours?"

  


He squeaks. One day, she'll stop having this effect on him, but they haven't been dating for that long and he is still helpless against her.

  


"The second one, please," he begs.

  


  


He winces every time he shakes Benny's hand for three months.

  


  


*****

  


  


The good thing about being a little bit filthy rich is that Usnavi gets to eat out so much more than he used to. And of course, his favorite takeouts are the ones he shares with his loved ones and tonight, specifically with his best friend. He gets some soup from Camila's takeouts which he remembers Benny likes and walks the way to his place, Sonny keeping the bodega.

  


He's early, he realizes when he's there. Way early. He's not sure if Benny had a late shift tonight with his new company and he decides to just use the key Benny gave him years ago to let himself in.

  


Benny's living room, doubling up as a small kitchen, is entirely empty. He's probably still at work, on the streets of Nueva York. Usnavi smiles to himself and starts setting out the bowls to have it all ready for when Benny comes home after a long day. He likes making his friends happy and feel even more at home. He's barely taken out the containers from the bag when he hears the groan.

  


He pauses. This isn't what he thinks, is it…

  


"God, and _then_ what do you wanna do?" Benny's voice says from his bedroom.

  


Usnavi freezes over. He ought to run away right now, but somehow his legs have turned to jelly and he can't feel his hands. In his room, Benny chuckles.

  


"You say that, but last time you said your jaw hurt." A pause. More softly, "I know, I love you."

  


Another groan and that sound that can only be… Usnavi starts panicking and tries to pack the takeouts again and get out, but his hands are shaking and he tries to shut his ears by sheer force of will, but Benny won't stop.

  


"Mmh, I'd _really_ like that, sweetheart… Uh huh… Of course I would, I'll go down on you first thing as soon as your back hits that bed, baby."

  


Usnavi almost gags. He's trying to shove the tops over the containers but somehow they won't fit and he's ready to drop everything and hide under the table, covering his hears if he needs to.

  


"Yeah, I can't wait to taste you again either, I'm so hard, baby, just for you."

  


Usnavi can't help the undignified yelp that escapes his lips.

  


"Oh my god, wait a sec babe… Usnavi?!"

  


Usnavi doesn't wait for Benny to walk out of the room in whatever state he might be in, and runs out of the apartment without asking for more.

  


*****

  


  


Most of the time, Usnavi adores Vanessa and worships the ground she walks on. Then there are the times when she's with Sonny, and it becomes slightly more difficult.

  


"No, of course I don't mind!" She cries out and Sonny hushes her to lower her voice. She doesn't have the same sense for privacy in this home than in the rest of the world and around Sonny, her barriers fall even faster. Thick as thieves, those two.

  


Usnavi side-eyes them but doesn't say anything. Both of them in the living room, chatting while Usnavi is left alone in the kitchen to cook for his family and no one even _offered_ to help, but it's fine, he's _fine_ , if they're happy just ignoring him and being lost in whatever conversation they're having without him, he's not bitter at all.

  


"Alright, so you always wanna kinda focus on the tip," she says, significantly lower but does she truly expect him not to hear? There's barely fifteen feet between him and the couch they're sitting on, whisper all she wants he's still going to hear. "That's the most important."

  


Sonny nods, takes note. Usnavi squints his eyes. Is Vanessa talking about what he thinks… He listens in more closely, pretending to just be stirring the sazon while waiting for the rice to cook.

  


"Alright, then your hands take over what your mouth can't, okay?" Vanessa goes on and Usnavi's mouth gapes open. "This is very important, what matters is keeping it all wet, tight and hot, if you got those three, then he'll like it no matter what."

  


_What the…_ His own girlfriend, his better half, perverting his young cousin under his very roof.

  


"Stop it!" He yaps at her, gesturing with the spatula. "Sonny is a _child_ , you can't teach a child things like that, putting ideas in his head!"

  


Both of them freeze, turning to him like deer caught in the headlights, what idiocy. Did they really think he wouldn't hear, right in the same room as him? Of course, why would poor old Usnavi pay attention, he's too busy cooking for everyone. Well, Usnavi has ears and he has values as well, and he's still the head of this house, considering he is the only one even living here officially, technically.

  


"I'm eighteen and a half," Sonny grumbles.

  


"You," Usnavi points at Sonny with his knife before he starts cutting the chicken breasts, "are going to bed straight after dinner and I'm taking away your phone for two weeks."

  


Sonny pouts, but hands over the phone.

  


"And _you_ ," Usnavi angrily points at Vanessa, who glares down at him and Usnavi gulps. "Can you please not do this, muñeca? Not in front of me."

  


Vanessa keeps up his stare for a few long seconds, then shrugs.

  


"He's gonna do it whether you know about it or not," she says. "Might as well get good advice from someone who cares about him."

  


Then she picks up some plates to deck the table and isn't that what Usnavi wanted all along, to be helped and acknowledged. Sonny joins them to help Usnavi with the cooking and they have dinner together, if not smoothly, at least not in anger. Usnavi gives back his phone to Sonny at the end of the night and begs him that, if he has to ask Vanessa this kind of things, at least he does it through text.

  


*****

  


  


One last grunt, her back arching, and Vanessa rolls off of him, immediately finding his arms again to latch onto him. He feels so unworthy of her in these moments, a beautiful goddess who makes love _and_ cuddles with him.

  


"I'm sorry," he says, because he's so used to apologizing by now.

  


"Nah," she says, as she always does, because by now she's also used to the whole 'sex with Usnavi doesn't really last over ten minutes when she pulls her special tricks on him like that'. "It was good."

  


"I mean, I coulda…"

  


"Sshhh," she kisses his cheek. "I got an orgasm, you got an orgasm, it's all fine. I'm not Nina, I don't need it to last like an hour."

  


Usnavi shudders.

  


"I don't wanna know about Nina's sex life," he whimpers, tucking his head against Vanessa's shoulder.

  


She snorts, kisses the top of his head.

  


"You're my cute little prude."

  


"It's not _prude_ to not want to hear about your friend's sex preferences!" He retorts. "Also no one lasts an hour, that's impossible."

  


"Benny does," she insists. Her fingers comb through his hair. "But that's too long, I'd get bored. I never get bored with _you_."

  


"Well that's good to know," he says sarcastically.

  


"I'm just saying," she clarifies. "You and I are compatible. Nina and Benny are weirdos who don't even have quickies, but they're compatible too."

  


"There's a _reason_ neither of them told me that."

  


"The reason is you're a prude," she laughs.

  


"I'll show you who's a prude," he says and sets to kiss her again. An hour, he may not last, not in one go, but who's to say he can't try another short round?

  


  


*****

  


  


"Good morning, Usnavi!" Carla's voice chimes like a happy cluster of bells.

  


Even with the salon in the Bronx, she still comes by as often as she can for her coffee in the morning, and every time Usnavi is delighted to see her.

  


"Hey Car… la…"

  


On her neck, peppered all across the joint with her shoulder, a series of hickeys in plain view. Usnavi's eyes widen, but it's rude to stare so he shakes his head and smiles.

  


"Coffee?" He asks and hopefully his smile is convincing.

  


"Please," she grins, handing him a dollar.

  


He pours the cup carefully.

  


"So, erm… Had fun last night?"

  


"Sure," she says, taking the cup. "Just a night in, but that can be fun too, right?"

  


"Oh, erm, yeah, super fun…"

  


The door opens loudly.

  


"Hey monster," His aunt Janice calls out, looks around. "Is Sonny here? Where's my descendant?"

  


"I think he's still sleeping at home," Usnavi answers.

  


"Right, right… Oh, hey baby."

  


She walks up to the counter and loops an arm around Carla's waist, pressing a kiss on her cheek, leaving very little room to interpretation as to where Carla got those love bites.

  


"Alright, Dani will be made if I'm late, thanks Usnavi!"

  


"Bye," he breathes out and cannot meet his aunt's eyes.

  


"I'll be going too," she says after pouring herself a cup of coffee, and he sighs in relief. "Thanks again for letting Son' stay over last night, I needed a night off."

  


  


She leaves. At least now Usnavi knows who his aunt's mysterious new girlfriend is.

  


  


  


*****

  


  


"Hey Nina! What's u…"

  


Nina walks up to the bodega's counter in the middle of the day, an empty hour, checking around to see if anyone might be listening in before gesturing for Usnavi to lean closer.

  


" _This never happened_ ," she whispers. "You understand?"

  


Usnavi gulps, but nods. No one wants to prompt anger out of Nina Rosario, proud daughter of Camila Rosario.

  


"I need a box of condoms. Big box, what's the most you got, thirty-six? I want that."

  


Usnavi meekly gestures to the condom aisle across the shop and, completely blank faced, Nina goes and grabs herself a large pack from the bottom row and slides it on the counter. He cannot seem to meet her eyes, his not-quite-but-kind-of-little-sister Nina he's so proud of, but she's free to do whatever she wants during summer, so he'll remain silent of any judgment.

  


"Erm…" He hesitates, hand hovering over the box, not putting it in the bag for her to take. "I mean, I don't wanna… This is…"

  


"What?" She bites, just as embarrassed as he is, it seems, before rambling on. "The pharmacy is closed and Benny forgot, alright, I mean, you can't judge me, I'm Vanessa's _best friend_ , you think she doesn't tell me about all your weird stuff? Because let me tell you, I…"

  


"Not judging!" He cries out, because discussing his sex life with Nina is just about the last thing he wants in the world. "Just, well, erm, Benny usually buys magnum size."

  


Nina stares, blinks a few times. Walks back the few steps to the aisle and picks another box. She hands him five dollars like he's selling her a pack of cocaine.

  


"This never happened," she repeats.

  


"What never happened?" Usnavi attempts a casual smile.

  


  


She returns it, then nods and leaves. Usnavi can't quite meet her eyes or Benny's the next time he sees them.

  


  


  


  


*****

  


  


Usnavi is happily at the stove, humming some freestyle rap in Vanessa's kitchen, eager for their friends to arrive in a couple hours.

  


"You're awfully happy," she comments.

  


He adds two pinches of salt to the rice, heats up a plaque to stir fry the chicken, a smile on his face. There is nothing he enjoys more than providing a good lunch for his friends.

  


"Nina's back," he says fondly. "Everyone's happy when she's home."

  


"Especially a certain someone," Vanessa smirks.

  


It's true. Benny has been talking about Nina coming back non-stop for the past couple weeks − which is endearing, though Usnavi always reminds him that _everyone_ is happy to see Nina as well and that he doesn't own pride about her. When she flew back yesterday to spend the break home, the whole block was over the moon.

  


"Wanna bet Nina's all sore today?"

  


Usnavi frowns. Why is it that Vanessa thinks he will be in any way receptive to these jokes? But she's his sweet candy princess and so he lets her. For all she hated the gossip at the salon, she loves to spread it when it comes to her close friends. Usnavi is just about the opposite.

  


"Hopefully not," he says, and he knows he shouldn't engage, yet here he is. "Benny's not brutal."

  


"Not saying he is," Vanessa replies. "Just, you know, with his…"

  


"Can you help me cut these veggies?" Usnavi interrupts her and with a knowing smile she takes the knife and the board and shuts up.

  


Nina arrives and makes his day, a junior now, how much longer till she graduates and comes back to them so he can spoil her as much as Abuela used to? And then, of course, Vanessa ruins it.

  


"Look at her sitting down," she nudges him.

  


Usnavi wants to roll his eyes and _not_ look, but curiosity gets the best of him, always, and though it's a fraction of a second, he doesn't miss the slight wince when Nina sits down at the table.

  


"Oh my god," he blurts out, thankfully a whisper only Vanessa catches.

  


"Oh, don't worry, it's not always like that, just the first day when they haven't seen each other in a while."

  


"I did _not_ need to know that!"

  


  


The next times Nina comes back home, he arranges to not meet up with her the direct morning after her arrival.

  


  


  


*****

  


Usnavi knows all the stories of the block. Some, he's told, confided, because there isn't a hot piece of gossip he misses from here. Others, he makes out for himself, gleaning details here and there. He sees and hears more than he lets on.

  


A hand grabbing another in the back aisle where they think he can't see, no one can see because the crowd is so thick in the morning when everyone needs their coffee, whispers into each other's ears, words meant for no one else. They think they're the only ones in the confidence, but secretly, Usnavi knows about their little affair as well. He sees Yesenia's fingers brushing against Yolanda's hip as she passes in front of her to get herself some chips before starting the day. He notices the way her eyes follow her around the bodega, the way she bites her lip just slightly, not enough for the world to see, because the world does not care about the stories of his people here in the Heights. He does.

  


"Café con leche, por favor," Yolanda says and he still hasn't figured out if she speaks English or if she was messing with him that night, years ago, and kept the charade going out of principle. "Anoche casi no dormí."

  


That split second where she catches Yesenia's eyes from across the shop, but neither will dare talk to each other, will dare openly show the affections he knows are there. A subtle nod that is barely there at all, and Yolanda is out.

  


"Coffee," Yesenia sighs out exhaustedly. "Didn't catch any sleep."

  


He hands her the coffee cup all the same, with a smile and a nice word and she's out as well, flexing her fingers that held Yolanda's two minutes ago, hidden in the crowd of his bodega.

  


There are things Usnavi never wants to learn, but the stories of the block, they're his to remember and he doesn't really mind.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, if you read this and enjoyed it, please consider leaving a comment to tell me what you liked :) It really means the world to get feedback. You don't need an AO3 account to leave kudos or post a comment.


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